Uncategorized – 70 pounds and counting

Tracking for Success and a Personal Emotional Story

Okay, it’s time to get real for a bit and share with you some true pieces of me.

I have been on a diet since I was 12 years old, maybe younger, but that is the first age I remember starting to come up with ideas for how to chart my food intake. In the last 37 years, I have spent almost every day on some type of diet, food plan, or at least trying to lose weight.

Reflecting on this the last few days, I realized that my whole life has been consumed at least in part by dieting, tracking, and inventing new ways to lose weight.

I had this magical thinking that the reason I couldn’t lose weight was because I had not found the right tracking tool that would help me stay on track. If I found a really cool way to keep track of my food, I would not stray off my path.

This will truly show my age, but around age 12, I used my typewriter to type out pages of food exchanges for me to put in a notebook and keep track of. Truthfully it was very creative. Sometimes I think of that girl that I was at 12 and feel deep sadness for her. I want to hug her and tell her it’s okay, she will be alright, and it will get better.

She was really not that overweight, however society and classmates let her know she was not the right size. She spent hours trying to find ways to lose weight and tried everything. Exchange diets, severely restricted calorie diets, and then later moved on to weight watchers, and of course gastric bypass at age 45. While the bypass is still incredibly successful and this girl has no regrets, my mind goes back to my 12-year-old self some days.

Sure, I’ve matured and I’m stronger, more confident, and I don’t give much credit to those that would want to shame me or judge me for my appearance. I have had a successful career and a wonderful family. I have problems just like everyone else and it’s not picture perfect, but I’m very grateful for the life I have. I’m also grateful that we move forward in working together to create acceptance for all people.

The gastric bypass I had in 2019 is really a tool and is not a cure. I woke up out of surgery from my gastric bypass, laying in my hospital bed, in pain, nauseated, and so thirsty, but yet I was thinking of Rice Krispie treats. Our minds are a powerful thing and that is where the true change must begin.

Cognitive and behavioral therapy has been key to some of my success and for many people is absolutely necessary. Many are successful on weight loss journeys, however for a lot of people, it takes that therapy to recognize the behaviors that need to change to truly be successful.

Please know that in no way am I cured from overeating or not having my mind do what’s it has always done. The difference between my 12-year-old self and now 49-year-old self is knowing myself much better. I no longer mentally abuse myself when I venture down a path that leads to a darker forest. I now have tools to get myself back on the path that I want to be on and that feels right to me.

One of the ways that helps me be successful is tracking all of my food. Once in a Weight Watcher’s class, the leader said track all BLT’s. (Bites, licks, and tastes). It all counts and it all matters. Some days this is harder for me than others to track every little thing. Believe me when I say that it’s tempting to count something less than what it is and believe me when I say I’ve done this.

My sister and I still laugh about this. I had permission to remain on Weight Watcher’s during my pregnancy in 2006. We went to Disneyland and that’s when they had the super, amazing, McDonald’s fry stand. Some of you know what I’m talking about and are possibly smiling at the memory yourself. Those literally were the best fries in the entire world, even better than the ones you got at McDonald’s. It was like some type of magic that made them so crisp, hot, and fresh. I ate so many of those on our trip. I actually ate quite well on that trip and never counted a single point that was accurate. I often wrote down 5 points for those fries. Those of you on WW know this was a big lie in my tracker.

So, step one in tracking is honesty because that’s the only way to see patterns and see where to give yourself lots of credit for positive changes and make adjustments where you need it.

I know it’s successful because last year I stopped tracking after over 400 days of tracking straight through and losing almost 100 pounds. I stopped tracking and then about 12 pounds found it’s way back on my body. I was shocked when I started tracking again how much I was eating. For those that have had weight loss surgery, we do have times where we cannot eat for various reasons, physically, so tracking also helps the opposite in knowing the days I might need to get more protein in to feel better.

That said, tracking is meant to help me stay on track, but also causes me extreme anxiety at times. I still fall in the pitfall once in a while of worrying and stressing over every little calorie. As I shared with you today, I have spent countless hours focused on tracking tools and that leads to some of my emotional trauma. Yet, I recognize the importance of it to staying successful. My current tracking is calories, with a focus on protein after my weight loss surgery.

I still fall asleep every night to counting my calories in my head again and reviewing my eating day. It sometimes consumes me and I have to go back to the tools I learned in my therapy sessions about how to move past this. For me, I need to track to know what I’m eating and keep the weight steady or losing slowly and at the same time, need to control my thoughts so it does not consume me.

Stress, worrying, guilt, mentally abusing yourself will not help. I encourage you all who have struggled with some of these things to talk to your healthcare professional. Once in a while I have to take a break from tracking for a day or two just to give myself a deep breath.

I am a food addict and it’s something I live with even after weight loss surgery. I agree recovery is a beautiful thing and I’m so grateful I chose that path. However, it does not mean it’s easy for me.

My keys to success right now are tracking, weighing a few times a week, and when my mind wants to take over and try to get me down, I fight it hard.

I choose to take a walk, work on a project, write, or spend time with family, anything to pull myself out of that place that causes me so much discomfort and pain. I also have some wonderful supports in my life and of those supports, some wonderful, strong women in my family. We have great times, laughing and joking, but also can share our true hurts, fears, stress, and truly support one another. They are amazing women!

I encourage you to find really good support systems and people. I also belong to a few Facebook support groups. My support groups are amazing and full of positive people. If you are finding the support groups you belong to, less than positive, work towards finding more positive groups.

Here is a link to an article from Harvard Health about why tracking leads to success and has some great tips and tricks for tracking. One of these I recognize after I read this is tracking in the moment. Sometimes I wait until the end of the day and by that time my brain is long gone and I’m not being accurate.

Why keep a food diary? – Harvard Health

Thanks for taking time to read this article. I wish you all the best on your own personal journeys.

Until next time,

Mandy

Warning: Detour Ahead

I’m sitting here trying to think of a catchy first line for my new blog article. Then I figured I would start with telling you all how busy things have continued to be. A time or two I have thought about putting this to rest for a while. Then, I realize that life will almost always be busy. Telling others about my journey has been good for me and I hope will help someone else along the way. I’m also guessing many of you find yourselves in that same category, so offering what I’ve learned hopefully will inspire you too.

I am relieved life is getting a little back to normal as we once knew it before COVID. In my work as a nurse manager, I have seen a lot of positive steps in the right direction. As healthcare continues to learn new ways of doing things, this has continued to keep me on my toes.

My newest personal journey has been getting to know myself all over again. Right after Thanksgiving, my daily calories starting trending up. I shared in the past when this occurred I would focus on trending back down over the course of a few days until I was back on track. What I noticed this time is a harder time trending back down and forcing myself to eat more than what my stomach felt comfortable with.

My surgery was a tool and definitely not a quick fix. People with bariatric surgery can still gain weight. Our brains are still wired just as they were before surgery. My smaller stomach wants to stop me from overeating, but my brain conspires against me. I will state surgery did help my food brain understand that I can do this. My brain remembers what I went through before surgery and after and this journey won’t easily be erased. That is my saving grace.

My weight trended from about 164 to 174 between Thanksgiving and June. I saw 163 for about five minutes, literally. Putting my numbers on paper might make you think I only focus on those. My weight number is important to me because I worked hard to lose almost 100 pounds in order to save my life. In that sense, the numbers do mean something. I will not let those numbers define who I am, where I’ve been, and where I can still go. What it does mean is that I need to re-focus. It’s a small bend in the journey, does not mean I’ve completely derailed, just a momentary pause. Like the title of my article, it is a detour from my plan. It’s life, I’m human, and this is going to happen.

Gaining weight made me feel poorly at times in terms of a disappointment in myself, feeling sluggish again, and stuck in my old habits. I could not get myself to keep trending those calories down more than day or two before they were right back up again. In June, I decided to go back on WW. I consulted with a close family member who lost a lot of weight on WW. I have done WW in the past and at one time lost over 45 pounds. I know it can be successful. Combined with my tool of surgery, I’m setting out to re-focus, lose those 10 pounds I gained, work on my activity level, and re-energize.

I started on WW a few weeks ago and I have to admit getting started again has been a struggle. I am determined to start heading in the right direction again and will not give up. This does not mean I won’t have desserts, gain a pound or two now and then, not do the activity level I should, or not track every single day. What I can focus on is taking more steps in the right direction than in the opposite direction. It’s not about perfection. It’s about recalling those tools I learned before and after surgery.

Next time I will post an update, share some new foods I have tried, and any other tricks and tips. So far in the last few weeks, I am back down three pounds, and feeling better about this goal. This is perfect timing also as my stomach has been really reacting to not having the protein and good food it needs.

Until then, wishing you all well on your own journey no matter what your goal.

Mandy

Hitting the Reset Button

I snapped this selfie while we were picking our 2020 Christmas Tree. Our tree this year was hand picked and less than perfect, but it is absolutely beautiful with the ornaments and lights. I will upload a photo of the tree to my 70 pounds and counting Facebook page. I am trying to keep as positive as I can and have lots of Holiday spirit!

As a child of the 80’s, I was so excited when my sister and I got our first Atari. It was Christmas morning in 1980 something when we unwrapped that marvelous gift.

One of my favorite systems was Nintendo and playing Mario Brothers. I loved to play each level perfectly, hitting every brick, jumping over every enemy, stomping on enemies, and jumping as high as I could at the end to hit the top of the flag pole. If I did not get a perfect score, I found myself at times hitting the reset button. Then, I could start over fresh and get another chance to play the perfect game.

The reason I thought about this recently is how many people have been telling me they want to start fresh, start over, and go back to a time when they felt better about their eating habits and exercise. It made me think about that reset button. The reset button can be a fabulous gift when you need it. Each of us has to find our own reset button and perhaps something that will help us find that reset button.

The one difference though in my video game analogy and real life is that to be successful at healthy eating and exercise, you should move away from the idea that it will be perfect. Please hear me when I say I spent years trying to be perfect on my diet. I would spend hours planning which program I was going to use and putting together diet and exercise sheets. If I made a mistake like eating too much during the day, I felt like I had to start over, had to be perfect and hit that reset button every time.

Now I understand we all need a reset button for the times we’ve gotten away from where we want to be. 2020 has been a very stressful year for many people. This has been true for many people around me. People have shared they stopped going to the gym, they find themselves snacking all day, the stress is getting to them. Again, I understand that eating right and getting exercise may not be something people can focus on right now. Other pressing priorities may need to be the focus for now. Hold onto the thought if you want to eat healthier and exercise or simply try my suggestion of starting slow.

So, where is that reset button? When I need to find my reset button, I take a moment to write down some thoughts or goals. Start slow and ease into the idea of starting over. Remember, you do not need to hit the reset button every time your choice is not perfect. My suggestion after years of working on my healthy eating habits is to pick one thing you want to focus on and stick with that first. Trying to be perfect will cause more stress and frustration. Perhaps try eating out less as a first step or start walking a few days a week. Once you have achieved that goal, you can add another goal in.

I am not writing as much right now because my job is keeping me busy. One of my goals is to write more over the next year. I do plan to write the second article on planning your own storyboard. I will also write a follow up story to finding the reset button and giving some ideas from my support group on how they find their reset button.

As always, remember to talk to your own healthcare provider to assure the goals you pick for yourself are realistic. You can also consider asking your healthcare provider for ideas on how to start with an easier step to move forward.

As a side note, I do still love playing Mario and especially a game called Mario Party. I still get a little frustrated when it doesn’t go my way, but I don’t hit the reset button anymore. I let the game play out, even when I am not winning the game or doing as well as I wanted.

Until next time, take care and stay well.

Mandy

What’s your story? Part 1

I purchased a large corkboard bulletin board for my project and I’m ready to get started. I got this idea from one of my weight loss support groups and I decided to give it a try.

The person that posted this to my support group uses index cards to write her goals down and then pins them to her board. She keeps it in a visible location as an inspiration. I wished I had this idea years ago. It makes sense that putting your thoughts, inspirations, goals, or anything else you are interested in onto one bulletin board would make it easy for your mind to make connections.

This one I purchased came from Amazon and included a few push pins. I did have some struggles hanging it. I used some command strip hooks and after hanging it, it promptly fell off. So, I decided to use some command strips instead and this time I got it. I decided to let it sit empty for a few days so I could start thinking about what I want to see on it.

Now that it has been hanging for a few days, I’ve got some ideas. My goal for my storyboard is to show where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and where I’m going. I want to hang quotes that inspire me, pictures of places I want to travel, new foods I want to try, and anything else that inspires me. This is my story.

One idea to start with is a handout from my dietician that has foods high in protein. I always need to get my protein intake up. I also decided to put my next goal weight in the middle of the board so I can keep that in mind. It does not need to be weight related goals either. It can be non-scale victories and goals, exercise goals, other personal goals, ideas, or simply inspirations. A non-scale goal for me is always to maintain my lower blood sugar levels. Another goal is to increase my exercise/activity even with my limited foot mobility.

You know yourself the best and know what you want for your future. This is a very personal journey and the reason you choose to go on it, is your story to write. So, that leaves the question, what is your story?

Wishing you all the best while you begin to find your inspiration and goals. I am going to get started and will be back soon to show you what I’ve been working on. As always comments and questions are very welcome.

Best wishes,

Mandy

Intuitive Eating Part 2

Miss Penny Pearl – Sweet, adorable, tiny, little Yorkie!

I hope you had a chance to read my blog post on Intuitive eating. Perhaps you even clicked on the links I provided to the Be Nourished website or the Intuitive Eating site.

I’m continuing to do more reading on Intuitive eating and recently read through the 10 guiding principles of intuitive eating. Here is the link again if you want to take a look: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/

As I’ve shared with you that I know a dietitian who has been sharing this information and it has really intrigued me. In reading the 10 principles, I’ve decided to apply as much of this to my own life as I can.

Having gone through bariatric surgery I am committed to taking in a certain amount of protein and carbohydrates. My protein intake is fairly high and my suggested carbohydrate intake is less than my protein intake. That said, the principles of intuitive eating are very valuable. In my next blog article I will talk about which of the principles I have applied to my own life and eating style.

In paraphrasing what I read of the 10 principles, I like the concept of forgetting the diet mentality. Those of us who have been on diet roller coaster for years understand the effects of chronic dieting. Waiting for the next best thing and hoping it works for us. This movement is about getting away from that idea and feeding our body what it needs and wants. Learning to stop at the first signs of fullness. We must also learn to eat when our body requires that fuel rather than waiting until we are beyond hungry to eat. Studies show how much more excessive calories we eat when we wait too long.

One of the principles that speaks to me the most is recognizing that you do not have to eat perfectly to eat healthy. It’s okay to have that chocolate cake. I often went for perfection and when I failed, let it go and then felt even worse about myself. It seems it is an endless cycle. Maybe together we can break that dieting cycle and focus on being healthy. One of the other principles focuses on getting activity, but basically recognizing you do not have to necessarily run marathons to get fitness in your life. Last night I walked my little Yorkie, Miss Penny Pearl (Pictures included at the top of my article today) and we just enjoyed a casual stroll. After I felt refreshed, energized, and felt my level of happiness go up.

I encourage those of you who are interested to read more. There is a lot of information on the website. Also, the Be Nourished website I talked about last week offers workshops and workbooks. https://benourished.org/

I would like to close today with my personal thoughts about a healthier lifestyle. Bariatric surgery was a tool to help me lose the weight that was causing my unhealthy state. It’s not for everyone and I made the personal choice to save my life. My body was already showing signs that I would have less years than I wanted. Bariatric surgery though is not easy and is not always the answer. Even with the bariatric surgery, I must decide each day to commit to a healthier lifestyle. I still have moments where I think I’m getting back into that terrible diet cycle. What has helped recently though is slowing down and being mindful about staying out of my own head. Those constant thoughts can be detrimental. I encourage you to use whatever you believe in to help you through those moments. Counseling and therapy can also help.

Good luck to all of you on your healthier journey and remember to check in with your own provider for guidance. My hope for all of you today: Take each day as it comes, be mindful about the food going in and hungry vs. full, have the chocolate or treat you seek, find balance, take a walk, swim, or other activity you enjoy and find your inner peace with food.

Mandy

Making the most out of your weight loss/health program

Happy Saturday. I hope you are all doing well. I’ve had an interesting week. I saw my Podiatrist this week and my left foot continues to be stable. I have shared about my Charcot foot that I was diagnosed with in May of 2017. I’ve been stable now for two years which is exciting. I continue to count my blessings. I went swimming on Wednesday this week which was really great. Swimming remains a big plus for me because I can go as often as I want without impacting my foot.

I did take a bad fall on Friday. Usually I’m extremely cautious in the snow and ice because of my feet. I walked outside though on an ice covered sidewalk and did not even think about it. My feet went out from underneath me and I landed hard right on my back and right side. I am quite sore today, but thankful nothing was broken. The only thing hurt was my pride because I burst into tears in front of other people. It happens though and I am fortunate that people rushed to get me ice and make sure I was okay.

Today I want to share my ideas for making the most of your weight loss or health program. I’ve shared that I use Lose It to track all of my calories and macros. I track the key items that my dietitian has told me are important to my journey. I’ve gotten tracking down to a science and I really work hard to track every day and timely. Lose It is one of those apps that sends a notification to my phone when I have not logged which I then use as a gentle reminder. Some days I’m on it before I get the notification. I pay a little to use the journal ahead feature and sometimes if I’ve had a rough eating day, I use it to journal my plans ahead of time for the next day.

I know myself well and because of this I do try and track most of my day early in the morning. I do better when my day is very well thought out and planned. If I know I have a business lunch or lunch with co-workers, I try and estimate how much and what I will eat. I then have a lighter breakfast knowing I will eat more for lunch. I do recognize this takes time to get in the routine of doing. Trust me when I say I know what it’s like to be busy. My day starts around 4:30am and then at work I stay extremely busy as a manager at a busy healthcare job. I have a thirteen year old son who has after school commitments and so sometimes I leave work to rush home and get him. We are committed to cooking most of our meals at home, so dinner is often a bit later. I’m still doing a lot of cooking on Sunday’s though to help with the early week rush. My Instant Pot is turning out to be a truly great gift on busy nights to get a quick meal out. Tonight I made a whole chicken flavored with oranges and seasonings in under fifty minutes.

I use the recipe feature to input my homemade dinners and treats because I often try to lighten them up a little. Using the recipe feature I can see how many calories, protein, and carbs are in a cup. Sometimes if it is higher than I would like, I experiment right in the recipe feature to cut something out or substitute something healthier.

Making the most of your weight loss or health program takes time and energy. In my opinion though the longer you are in the routine, the easier it gets. I learned from a weight loss class long ago that people who journal are more successful. I track every bite, lick, and taste as my Weight Watcher’s leader used to state. It does not help me if I fib on my daily journal. I also track all of my daily activity even if it was housework or extra walking at work.

Some people greatly benefit from meetings and this is one thing my app does not offer. I do belong to a bariatric support group on Facebook and in fact just joined a second group for support. One of them does offer support group meetings. I find social media helpful in these support groups because I’m engaging with other people who want to lose weight or who are losing weight. When I met with my Psychologist before my Gastric Bypass, she made joining some type of support group a condition of my surgery. To have the support of others is really important. Many of the health programs or weight loss programs have forums you can join.

Talking to my Psychologist has also been extremely helpful in identifying patterns I wanted to break. As I have shared surgery was a tool. It did make the initial weight loss a little easier because I physically could not eat. It’s not an easy process by any means, but surgery did help me cut my portions way back. Now eight months after surgery I do have moments or a whole day that my eating has not been on track. I’ve not had any weight gain other than a pound or two of water/fluids, however I still make choices sometimes that worry me. I do not want to end up where I was before. The difference now though is I’ve journaled for over 220 days straight without fail, I participate in my support groups, and I’m committed to this process. I ate 12 pieces of Dove Candy on Thursday, but recognized what I had done. I stopped eating for a few hours and drank about 3-4 cups of water to flush my system. Then for dinner, I had rich hearty broth from a Taco soup I made and added some cheese for extra protein. I ended my day at about 200 calories above normal, but I have to be okay with this. This is going to happen from time to time. It’s not about perfection, but about getting back on track quickly. Weight gain is even normal now and then, but not letting it stop your overall goal and progress is important. I do incorporate treats into my daily calories often, however the 12 pieces of candy was extreme. I decided for my future success buying a whole bag and keeping it in my office is not going to work. 🙂

I reflect when I need to about overeating, but I try and celebrate success often. Non Scale Victories are also a must on your journey. It is important to focus on things that are not linked to a number on a scale. Some of my early non scale victories were loose fitting clothes, lots of energy, less medications, better sleep, and so much more. One of my favorite non scale victories is just feeling more in control than ever of my choices.

Please feel free to share your personal success with me so we can celebrate together. You are also welcome to post a question to me in comments or on Facebook. Best wishes to all of you on your journey to better health.

Mandy